the land of tropicana and tan lines

there are only two emotions in a plane: boredom and terror.

-orson welles


perhaps one of the truest statements of all time, aside from the axiom that everyone loves parfaits. parfaits are delicious. i write this entry somewhat sadder, wiser, and more sleep-deprived, with the cynicism of orson welles to guide me. it also guided me to clearwater, florida, after many bruises, bumps, some turbulence, and a few stale pretzels. here's how it went down:

3:20 a.m. my alarm goes off. i decide (unwisely) to ignore it. we are staying at brittany's brother's house in columbus and the guest bed is like a deliciously feathery dream. i do not wish to wake from that dream.

3:40 a.m. erika prods me awake and says, "you know we're leaving for the airport in 20 minutes, right?" i groan and curse humanity for inventing mornings and reluctantly get up.

4:03 a.m. the three of us have made it, (thusfar) unscathed from newark and onto the road that will take us to the columbus international airport. there's more fog than in foggy london towne, and we have the visibility of an 80 year old woman with cataracts. so, we listen to fionna apple to calm our nerves.

5:06 a.m. it's columbus airport. it will not be light for another 2.5 hours yet. we check in, watch our belongings get violated by security, and head to the respective terminal for the departure to tampa. need. coffee. feel like death.

5:18 a.m. i locate a starbucks, and promptly order the biggest coffee known to man, downing it in mere minutes. situated across from our table are several other miami students. they first debate who is skinnier, then their friend who tried out for top model (who was, like, SUPERSKINNY!!!!!!!) and then how full they were from their venti, non-fat, no-whip, soy, sugar free lattes. and these girls are the future. get me out of the country now, please.

6:49 a.m. the steward announces that due to fog, the flight will be delayed. i break out my 610 page issue of vogue and proceed to read it cover to cover before they board us.

8:01 a.m. board plane. bored.

10:54 a.m. arrive in sunny florida. we take a cab from the airport and enjoy all sights that are not southwestern ohio/miami university. it is glorious.

2:12 p.m. it's food time. erika, brittany, and i scavenge for something - anything - that was edible. we stumble in on a small sandwich shop. the clientèle needs to learn the significance of pilates - that or the significance of how to rid oneself of adipose.

2:59 p.m. stomachs satiated, it was time for purchasing beach towels. we go in the nearest surf shop and creepy mexican men (drunk) proceed to hit on us. "can you help me buy a pair of flip flops for my lady friend?" one asks erika. another smiles knowingly and winks when i ask him where the shot glasses were. dios mio.

3:13 p.m. - 6:02 p.m. we walk the beach and enjoy the conspicuous lack of snow.

6:24 p.m. exhausted from sitting out in the sun and doing nothing. i tried to read fictions of an empire but it's to windy. i come back to the hotel room to DiscoTech Party 2008. nonstop pulsating bass and indistinguishable lyrics. my idea of heaven.

this, dear readers, is florida. and i believe an incredibly long nap is in order.

quote of the day: "and then they could point to you and say, 'there! that's the fruit of my loins!"
-erika hadley.