rainy days and mondays always get me down

"she looked out the window her whole life, the way so many women sit their sadness on an elbow. i wonder if she made the best with what she got or was she sorry because she couldn't be all the things she wanted to be."

-the house on mango street

i wonder, how many people have sacrificed their dreams for reality, for their spouse, for guitar hero II.

so many of my friends are getting engaged and married. i expected it to happen, just not so soon. i kind of dread going on facebook nowadays, because i'm sure another one (or five) of my friends will have taken the plunge.

i'm not saying that there's anything wrong with getting engaged, but there's a time in place. we're generation X - the mtv nation of instant gratification and self-appreciation, image reciprocation, media provocation cares-more-about-paris-hilton- than the iranian president saying there are no problems in iran ...

lestways, i digress.

what i mean to say is that i don't have quixotic notions of marriage anymore. for me ... i'd rather backpack around europe and asia for a few years instead of prematurely worrying about diapers, formula, and daycare. not to mention that as a creative writer, i've singled myself out as a desperate, depraved and solitary creature that craves seclusion.

(insert segue here)


i went to jungle jim's this weekend to buy exotic foods. who am i kidding? exotic alcoholic beverages not available in the united states. jungle jim's, to those who don't know, is like a disney world.

for adults.

for fat, food-loving aficionados who can't wait to stuff their faces with the latest brie from france or a spinokopita from greece.

and there are ... sets... for lack of a better word, where each country is siphoned off into individual sections, and is decorated accordingly. for germany, it looks as if you landed in the middle of the beer hall putscht. and england - my beloved england - is transformed from the dismal aisles of florescent-lighted to the depths of sherwood forest. and ... they had cadbury chocolate bars AND double deckers ... i nearly died of sheer happiness (or caloric intake).

not to mention the strongbow that is now happily cooling in my refrigerator at a pleasant 40 degrees. how very reminiscent of london.


my equestrian team coach also told me and rachel, a fellow teammate today that we were "spindly" and needed to go to the rec more. so, feeling incredibly guilty with our DNA, we trecked to the gym (after a fairly hefty riding session) and left the aerobics class with legs like jell-o. smart idea, no?

quote of the day: heh. that's almost as much fun as telling a barista that your name is katie. then half of miami would go, "oooh, latte."

tied with...

"and heaven forbid we should have to slather on some deodorant."

courtesy of the bstebs/bsawick conversation hour.

one falling star to another

i like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. this is the night, what it does to you. i had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
-jack kerouac


ironically, i've had this quote up on my wall ever since reading on the road my freshman year. it kind of makes sense, though. that when you're forced to pick a college, pick a major, pick what you want to do for the rest of your life, the tasks before you seem a little more than daunting. is anyone else falling out there? not failing, no - that would imply the process of trying in something and not succeeding - but falling implicates no knowledge of where you'll land or what you do end up doing when your feet finally - if ever - touch the ground.

i went home this past weekend for a good many reasons. to see my parents, yes, and to see old and familiar faces, but more to gain clarity. and also, the canfield fair was in town, which meant as much fried food on a stick as any artery-clogging food aficcianado could possibly want. but it made me realize - i've moved on from home - that is, my life isn't waiting for me in akron anymore. i don't go to school there anymore (high school shouldn't have sequels), i don't work at fairlawn country club anymore (and the people rejoiced!) and i certainly don't think i'll end up there (working at ... goodyear?). i think any of us are naive enough in the beginning to think anything is possible, and i'm fairly optimistic (despite my constant cynicism and omnipresent satirical comments) and believe that if you do work hard enough, you can achieve what you've set out to do.

in which case, i would be the queen of the world, sitting on a throne of pure godiva chocolate, with a sceptre and swaroski crown and all, and i'd just be allowed to sit around all day (just not on the throne, as it's made of chocolate and is very easily apt to melt) and read, write, paint, whatever. plus i could make people i'm not particularly fond of perform court tricks and make them wear jester shoes. that's just ideal.

mind over matter.
sure 'nuff.

quote of the day:
it's time to trust my instincts
close my eyes

and leap...